It’s been awhile since I’ve been on here. I needed some time away from this or every post I’d write would have been about Bucky. I still miss her, I still cry a lot, I go through her photos all of the time, I relive her dying in my arms and the helpless look in her eyes before they rolled back in her head. But it’s time to slowly learn to live without her now, even though sometimes I still call out her name. I have a new puppy now, I’ve had him for almost two months, his name is Rosco, he’s a pomeranian. Having Rosco helps bring back happiness, it brings back my smile. He’s 4 months old now and he is adorable, I absolutely love him. Although, it doesn’t help any heartache from Bucky, all it does is help keep my mind off of her more but I guess that’s the whole point.
I’m sure everyone knows of the Newtown tradegy, human brains are often only hardwired to feel so much empathy, but I’m sure it touched almost everyone that can feel empathy. To be honest, I didn’t feel much pain for the victims, but my heart went out to the families of the victims, especailly the parents, I cried for them, even though Bucky was a dog, I still loved her as if she were my child and maybe I still cannot grasp their pain fully because she wasn’t my child and I didn’t have that same bond with her as I would my own child but I have learned that losing a child is one thing no parent should ever have to go through. I just thought I’d mention that because I was deeply sadend by the massacre.
But I’ll leave this with a happier ending, I’ll share a few things with Rosco in case anyone cares. I’ll start with something kind of humorous, Rosco is most attachted to me, he has become my total, complete shadow. It’s cute, although I cannot even go to the bathroom by myself anymore, even if I take a shower, he has to sit in the bathroom. He has to sleep with me everynight, but pomeranians tend to have “floating kneecaps” so I sleep on the floor with him so he doesn’t jump off my bed, although lately I’ve been putting a lot of pillows and blankets on the side of my bed so he can jump safely and we’ve been in my bed the last few nights, that seems to be best, at least for me (haha) I like my bed. I made a promise to myself that I’ve been keeping too. I felt really guilty for all the times Bucky came to me for attention and I ignored her because I was too busy doing something else, so I promised I wouldn’t take Rosco for granted like I did to her sometimes. Bucky left little scratches on my door from her nails when she wanted me and I ignored her so it’s a constant reminder. I give Rosco all of the attention he wants, mama says that it will spoil him but he is the baby now and I don’t see anything wrong if he gets a little spoiled, mama says I’m also too easy on him, I’m not stern enough. I kinda think it’s psycological because I was always very stern with Bucky and maybe I feel bad for that and I don’t do it with him. I kind of see Rosco as a chance to make up for all the things I did wrong with Bucky. Although, I can never know for sure which is right and wrong in this situtaion, all I can do is assume what is best for him. I do scold him when he does wrong like chewing on stuff other than his toys but mama says scolding isn’t always enough and there needs to be a form of punishment. I was thinking of a “time out” spot for him. With Bucky, I put her in a big box for a few minutes and let her out, I didn’t close the box of course, but it was just a spot where she was away from everyone and I thought it did well and maybe I should do that with him too. I just am not sure if it’s a “cruel” form of punishment. I don’t think it seems that way but I don’t fully understand the mind of a dog and I don’t want to do anything that will harm his mind or well-being.
But anyway, Rosco is a character, he is the total opposite of Bucky, which I find fun, he likes to chase his tail and he’ll chase it until he’s dizzy, he loves to play! Bucky played once in a while but she was more lovey, Rosco is very lovey too but he likes to play all the time, I taught him how to play fetch, he also likes tug-of-war. You know, pomeranians are known to be yappy dogs and Rosco doesn’t really yap, in fact he hardly barks unless he’s playing with a toy. Maybe I’m just lucky or it’s because he’s still a puppy. Either way, I love him no matter what.
I also taught him his first command this week, he knows how to “sit” and I feed him 3 times a day but he doesn’t get any food until he sits for me, I also do not praise him unless he sits down right away because I don’t wanna give praise out too much or it will be meaningless. I also brush his teeth often, he doesn’t even mind, he’ll even let me open up his mouth and brush every tooth. I did that Bucky but she didn’t like it a lot, but I didn’t start brushing her teeth until she was older, so since Rosco is so young, this is the best time to start everything. The only thing he hates is when I clip his nails or check his ears. He really hates having his nails clipped and he shows teeth and tries to bite, although his puppy teeth are really sharp and kind of hurt, I’m not letting him think aggression works, so even though he bit me a few times, I still kept clipping his nails and he eventually gave in, I had to tie a bandana around his face though so he couldn’t see me and it helped calm him down but I got every nail clipped short, his nails are black so it’s hard to see the quick but I did a good job, I can say so myself. Besides, I couldn’t really scold him for biting me like that, I probably hit the nerve endings by the quick and hurt him so I didn’t yell, instead I calmly hushed him and kept going.
Well, anyway, I just thought I’d come back on here and share what’s going on with me in case anyone was wondering how I was doing. I apologize for just leaving this site for while without a post to let everyone know I was going to be away. But I sure hope everyone else is doing well, I’ve missed being on here and reading everyones posts.
Good day, friends.
enjoymythoughts 
My family had a cat that always meowed at my door for attention, she’d bring little foam balls in her mouth for me to throw. Then one day, I found a human on the internet that consumed all my attention, I never had time for the kitty anymore. She died not long after, I always assumed it was of a broken heart. But like you said, it’s an opportunity to learn and do better the next time.
From my current perspective on life, I don’t look at death and tragedy as reasons to experience misery. I may get a little upset, but there’s a threshold that doesn’t need to be crossed. So much of life exists in our imagination, I can’t trust any of it, so how can I let myself feel miserable over something I can’t prove? What’s real? What are the consequences? Who knows the answers — not me, not anyone — so I have no need to worry about anything.
But anyway, it sounds like you’re doing a good job with Rosco. You can tell if someone’s doing a good job by the way they care if they’re doing things right.
Welcome back!
Welcome back, I have been gone myself recently, but not for recovery from bad news such as yours.
Still it is good to read you are going strong and Rosco is settling in nicely with you ^_^
He cannot replace Bucky, but will be a whole new kind of comfort and friend.
I hope you have managed to make some sort of resolve with your sister and brother in-law, he was very cruel with what he said, but words said in anger rarely have much real meaning to them. I imagine the both of them where tense from having no money and sought out to blame others rather than themselves. It’s shows a slightly unenlightened mind, but just shows someone to be human. I hope you’re not harbouring any hate for them still.
Oh and Happy New Year to you!